


She Takes a Breath, She Holds Together

by mistyautumn



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Tabula Rasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25916866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyautumn/pseuds/mistyautumn
Summary: "In an instant what was lost is found, and as Tara’s eyes fall on the broken crystal, she too is crushed." A little Tara introspection as the end of "Tabula Rasa".
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: Extra Flamey





	She Takes a Breath, She Holds Together

**Author's Note:**

> And now for something completely different... I started rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer in quarantine, and have been chipping away an episode a day since I’ve had to go back to work. Yesterday I watched the season six episode “Tabula Rasa”; this is a little Tara introspection that takes place at the end of that; I hope it’s ok.

Memories.

In an instant what was lost is found, and as Tara’s eyes fall on the broken crystal, she too is crushed... Something curdles in her stomach, something tightens in her chest, something stings behind her eyes...

_One week.  
_

She looks at Willow and sees a stranger; it feels like a fist squeezes her heart into dust, but as much as it pains her, she can’t scream.

_Fine, that’s easy!_

Her breath catches in her throat and she wonders for a moment if she will fall apart to nothing; just remnants of what was Tara, torn asunder by magic and heartbreak... 

But then she stands. She stands, and her legs hold her, and maybe, just maybe, she’s survived...

She packs her things. There is no fight. What’s left to fight about? Willow can’t deny this; there is no path around it and no bridge. She promised a month without magic, and Tara asked for just one week. She didn’t even make it a day. There really isn’t anything left to say after that.

Tara takes a breath.

Willow has a problem, yet even now Tara suspects she can’t see it. She hopes that she’s wrong; she can feel her fragile heart threaten to fall to pieces again- it’s at best held together with scotch tape and cheap glue...

She takes a breath. She holds together. It feels moment to moment, but she holds together. 

She knows this is what she has to do, but the truth is she isn’t sure what's more painful: watching Willow so beholden to magic; obsessed, totally dependent... or turning away. For a second she wonders if she could have done more; if she _should do_ more, but such thoughts wither in the shadow of what Willow’s done, not once but _twice_... To violate Tara’s mind, decide what she can feel... Willow can deny and deflect a lot of things, but not that. 

So Tara picks up a box, blinks back fresh tears, breathes... 

In this moment, it’s the best she can do.


End file.
